Wednesday Woes

I still don’t feel very cheerful and the headache isn’t helping matters.

Tomorrow afternoon I head down to Nanjemoy to meet Mom, do a little funeral shopping and then go to the viewing, then Friday afternoon is the actual funeral at St. Joseph Church in Pomfret, MD. St. Jospeh Church is my family church. It’s really small but neat. That is where my Grandma’s family is buried and that is where my Poppop’s family is buried. The last burial I went to was when Pop died last June. His funeral was a military funeral and it had the whole 21 gun salute and everything. It was moving and interesting at the same time. Also, that was the last time I saw Adam in person. Wait, scratch that; the last burial funeral I went to was this past November when Van’s mom died. But, the one before that was Pops funeral last June. So, this makes three funerals in less than a year. The other two deaths were cremations and they were my Aunt in Dec 05 and Adams Dad in Sept 06. So much death in so little time.

Greg talked to the condo people last night and set up a time on Saturday to check the place out. I am getting excited about this possibility and I really hope we get to rent it. The owners are looking for 3 year tenants which is something Greg and I are more than interested in doing. It would be nice to have a home, so to speak. The last 5 years I’ve moved three times. Genreally, I move every two years, but I also moved last summer and I am planning on moving again this summer. What’s nice is that my half of the rent is only going to increase by $50 and Greg and I are going to share everything else. We already know how much the cable bill is going to be since I have an exsisting account, as well as our cell phones, car insurance, etc. The only unknown is the BG&E bill. At the townhouse, the bill never went over $200 in a months worth of usage. But, the condo uses natural gas and has a gas fireplace, so that could increase the bill some. But, my job supports BG&E and I could enroll in a fixed rate… something to consider.

I feel so thankful that Greg is such an understanding and tolerating person. He listens to me when something is bothering me. I can talk to him about anything, whether it’s negative or positive. He’s open to me about his ex girlfriends when I ask questions. He tolerates my weird emotional moods. He understands that I am blaming these weird emotional moods on my birth control (even though I am no where near as bad as I was in March). He’s also very supportive. I know I can count on him for anything at anytime. Like, all the times I’ve locked myself out of the house, he always came to my rescue, or when I was out of work for 2 months, Greg put money in my bank account so that my bills will get paid and my account won’t go into the negative, or that scary day on January 22 when I started to, literally, bleed to death and the doctors office told me to call 911, I called Greg because I was scared and I wanted him to be with me and he dropped everything at work and came over (just before the ambulance did) and he took care of Amelia, who was only 10 days old, and Max, the dog, while I was rushed to the hospital and when everything was said and done, Greg took two days off of work to take care of me and Amelia as I recoverd from the emergency D&C and blood transfusion. So much has happened to me this year. Some good and some bad (mainly the bad is the physical stuff from January). At least the good out weighs the bad in more ways than one. But, there is one bad, though it didn’t happen to me but it affects me, that can potentally effect a good. But, to name some of the good: A steady job; supportive family; Greg; my friends; finally filing for divorce; a healthy baby; and so much more. Some of the bad: my stubborn mental emotion that won’t let go; the thing that happend in Greg’s past that affects our future living together; a car that now has 190K miles on it; to name the top three.

In other news…

I received a credit card offer in the mail last night and I went online to ‘enroll’ since I was only pre-qualified, and to my surprise I was accepted! Now, the down side of this card is that it has a extreamly high annual fee of $150. Yeah, that’s high as hell. But, my plan is to use the card to re-establish my credit rating to help me get a better deal for my future car. Last Novemeber, I accepted another credit card offer that is the exact same as the one I did last night. The bonus with this card is that I have a 0.0% interest rate that is guarenteed as long as I make my payments on time and don’t go over the credit limit, which I’ve been able to do. And, they have already increased my credit limit! Whoohoo! So, this year, aside from all the challenges that I’ve faced, I am still able to improve something that will help me in the future: My Credit Score. Now, I am thinking of adding Greg to my newest credit card since he doesn’t have one and it would be nice for him to have something just in case for an emergancy, like gas or something like that. Plus, if we ever want to rent a car I believe we would need a credit card, or so I believe. I haven’t talked to Greg about it but I don’t think he’ll reject the idea. Although, I am curious if I add him to my account if the credit card company will also report to the credit agencies for him. Anyway, my current credit card asks for a minimum payment of $20 and I ususally send $40 or more. Plus, with my new job and such, I am positive that I can pay Greg’s Dell bill and my two credit cards. No sweat.

Adam sent me an email last night stating that he still hasn’t found a job. I have no idea what I would be doing if he and I were still together. It was stressful enough when he was on paid administrative leave from Nov. 04 to Feb. 05 and then he was just on unemployment. Adam has had a few small jobs here and there since Nov. 04 but nothing long term or didn’t last longer than 4-6 months. I know he’s not doing well, emotionally, because he is so hung up on his pride. That’s one thing I didn’t understand about him; he would rather not work at a place because it would hurt his pride than be unemployed and on unemployement. Gee, I would figure the latter would be more hurtful than working at a temp service or, heaven forbid, McDonalds. But, Adam isn’t a very sociable person. He doesn’t get along well with others that don’t share his personal views of the world, especially about politics. The only thing that Adam and I had in common was music and a few televison shows or movies. Other than that, we were on different views or beliefs about everything else.

While Greg and I were friends, he gave me a view of what I should look for in a person and that I should never settle. Greg is everything I’ve ever wanted or needed in a person. He has all the qualities I could ever dream about and then some. He set the bar for any future relationships and to my pleasure, he and I have fallen in love with each other. The feeling of being in love is amazaing and freightful at the same time. The reason I say freightful because you know that if you break-up with someone that you have fallen in love with it’s going to hurt like you’ve never felt before and for me, that is something I fear. I have been hurt in the pass but I was never in love with someone and if Greg and I do not work out and when (or if) we come to that realization, it’s going to knock me off my feet and I honestly hope that pain is something I never have to feel.

It has taken me all day to write this. I started in the morning and now it’s 2:05pm. I also wrote on my private blog. I’ve decided to stop writing at Y! and to do a completely private blog. That way, I can reopen my Y! 360 blog though I am going to remove the private posts I wrote on there and put them at my new private location.

This day has been slow and I’ve been procrastination a lot of things. I am just not in the mood to work but at the same time I would rather be here than at home. I just love how my brain makes me feel.

One thought on “Wednesday Woes

  1. I am *so* sorry you are feeling down. Are you going to stop writing here? I hope not. I know I don’t get to check everyday, but I enjoy your writing style.

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