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I’m just not feeling it today.

I can’t remember what Greg and I did, if anything, this past Friday.

On Saturday, we got up kinda early and went to check out a place and didn’t like it one bit. They check your driving record, school records and so much more! Sheesh. After we checked that place out, we went to Target and did a little shopping. We bought Amelia her high chair; it’s a chair that we can attach to any chair and converts to a booster seat when she’s older. I bought my swimsuit, and a gift for my Cousin April. While we were at Target, we received so much attention due to Amelia and her amazing amount of hair! People were stopping in their tracks to look at her and tell Greg and me how beautiful she is and “Look at that head of hair!” Also, we found a gym thing that we want to get Amelia. It’s Fisher-Price’s Rain forest theme, which is what we’re going for, and it is on springs so Amelia and jump up and down and such. We put her in the store model and she actually liked it! So, once Greg and I find a place to live, we’re going to buy that gym thing. After Target, we went to Friendly’s and had lunch and then headed home where we put the highchair together and tested it out on Amelia. She looked so small in it. Greg took pictures, I just haven’t uploaded them, yet. Then, after that, we took a nap. Naps are something Greg and I usually don’t do. The last time we took a nap in the late afternoon was when we went to the JSOH Airshow. The nap was short, but refreshing. Greg and I didn’t do much for the rest of the day or night.

On Sunday, we headed down to Waldorf for my Cousin April’s baby shower. April’s gift opening took over two hours! She received so many items! Greg and I took pictures, but I did all the picture taking with Aprils camera. We played games and good times were had by all. Greg won one of the games! He won a purse that had Victoria’s Secret fragrances inside. Of course, Greg gave me the purse and items. It was funny though. Greg and I left about a quarter to four and headed home. Once we reached 97, I asked if he wanted to stop by the airport park since the planes were taking off over the park and he said sure. Personally, I wanted to go because I’ve never seen planes take off from that view. Greg and I hung out there for about 20 minutes then we headed over to my old car to clean it out. Basically, I only took the items that I needed or wanted; the rest of the stuff I left since the car was going to be junked anyway. Some of the things I left in the car were my wedding pictures. I didn’t have any prefessional pictures taken or anything, mind you, so it’s not like I spent hundreds of dollars on these pictures. But, I didn’t see any reason to hold on to them. Besides, they have been in the trunk of my car for at least two years and I haven’t done anything with them. It was weird looking at myself from nearly four years ago (Adam and I married on Aug 8, 2003). I’ve changed a lot, physically, mentally, and emotionall, since then and I didn’t see any reason to keeping the pictures. But, now that I think about it, I would like to go back and see if I can save some pictures that have my Aunt in them or Munner and Pop, all of whom are no longer here. That chapter closed; moving onto a new.

Oh, by the way, I am probably going to file my divorce papers this week; the day Greg and I are going to take off to look and file applications to a few places.

Oh, my Mom has Amelia for the week. Mom asked Greg and I on Saturday morning if she could take her after the babyshower and I told her that Greg and I would have to talk about it. The reason being is because 1. it would be short notice for April the Sitter; and 2. Greg doesn’t want to burn out Mom with all the sitting; espeically since we’re going to need her to watch Amelia for a week at the end of July. So, after Greg and I talked about it during lunch on Saturday, we decided it was ok. When I called Mom later that night and told her, she was all happy and excited and when I told her why we had to think about it, specifically Greg’s reason, she just laughed. She said there is no way she could ever be burned out from spending time with her first Grandbaby.

I am so bummed that Greg and I are not going to be starting our lives together this week. It irritates me that I have to wait, at least, another month for us to be together. This move was the one thing I have been so looking forward to! I was counting the days since the month of April. I just can’t seem to get out of this funk of a mood. Also, I was feeling a bit of jealousy on Sunday, while at the baby shower. Not because April received so many things, but because she is able to enjoy her pregnancy, talk about it, get all excited and so much more; whereas I couldn’t and didn’t. I believe if Greg were more accepting and excited about being a dad, as he was when he learned that my water broke, in the beginning when I found out I was pregnant, I might feel different. I wished I had a baby shower for me, again not for the gifts, to share my excitment and have everyone tell me how excited they are for Greg and me, and argue over the name and so forth. I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive family that was able to help Greg and me get all the things we needed for Amelia, even before she was born, then and now. I am happy about that, but there are some things I feel I missed out on with this being my first baby.

Greg and I talked a little about our future together as man and wife. I always ask him why he feels our relationship is different than our past and he usually responds that his feelings for me are different than what he felt with his exes. So, when I asked him again this past weekend, just to make conversation on the road, he told me what he’s told his co-workers (which, again surprised me) “I enjoy spending time with you. I look forward to the nights I come over and don’t want to leave you when it’s time to go.” For once, he feels love as deep as ours. Yes, he’s been in love in the past, but that ‘in-love’ feeling wore off and he says the love he feels for me is nothing that he’s felt for anyone else. It makes me feel good to hear him tell me that he’s never felt love for anyone else as strong as he does for me; and the reason why is because I feel the exact same for him.

Ugh. I am really not in a good mood today. I’ve been very argumentive to customers who are cancelling for petty reasons. Which, may sound good on the monitorings showing my rebuttles or what not, but that’s usually not my style.

Greg sent me an email telling me that he’s going to stop by two places to pick up their application information and then bring them over tonight so we can talk about it. Honestly, right now I don’t even know if I want Greg to come over. I am really in a funk of a mood with no real reason. The only thing I can guess is the whole week has been emotionally rough and I’m having a harder time dealing with it than I thought I was.

I haven’t slept well in the last two days. My asthma kept me up on Saturday night and kept bothering me all Sunday. Then during the afternoon on Sunday, my back started to bother me and I knew it was from the difficulty of breathing. So, when we got home last night, I took some Alieve and layed in bed. I fell asleep somewhere between 10:30 and 11:00pm, but awoke around 3am because of my backache and I couldn’t fall back asleep or get comfortable. So, around 4:45am, I got up and found some Vicodene from when I had my tooth pull and layed back in bed. It took probably a half hour for me start feeling the effect and fall back asleep. Then, my brother wakes me up a little before 6am because he locked himself outside and then around 7:21am, I am awoken to the noise of someone knocking on the door! I tell Greg it’s his turn to answer the door since I let Sean in and then realize that I was dreaming. But, I hear the knock again and walk into Aaron’s room to look out the window. I didn’t realize that Aaron was still home, so I just bardge into his room! He startled me and
then I ask if he heard the knocking and he said no, so I continue to look out the window and I don’t see anything. So, I guess it was all in my head.

I am really not in the mood to work anymore. I don’t want to deal with people right now and I’ve had some nasty phone calls today. I just can’t wait until this day is over.


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