Mind Musings

I have so many thoughts going through my mind!

  • I’m thinking about my upcoming divorce hearing and saying good bye to Adam (mentally);
  • The odd dream I had last night about Greg’s ex;
  • Wedding stuff, mainly finding our site for the ceremony and reception;
  • The slow realization that Greg is going to be my future husband;
  • Van’s offer to pay for my tuition so I can finish my medical assisting/nursing certification/degree;
  • And much more…

Mainly, I am thinking about my wedding and divorce with little bits of the dream I had last night; which I’ll start off with first…

Last night, I dreamt that Greg and I were living with his ex temporarily. It was very awkward for me in the dream, even though we (Greg’s ex and I) were rarely home at the same time. Then, at some point in the dream, the exes sister spies on me and tells the ex what I’ve been doing (supposedly) and then the ex leaves all these notes around the house for me (and they weren’t very positive notes). The same day I discovered the notes around the house, she comes home while I am there and I confront her about the stuff she’s writing to me. And, somehow, after talking about everything we become friends. And, I recall thinking in the dream how odd it felt realizing that we’ve basically ‘made up’ and were actually talking as friends. Very strange dream, no?

My second thought is about saying good bye, permanently, to Adam.  Honestly, I am not that upset about saying good bye as I have no emotional attachment to him what-so-ever; but I thought I would be able to send an email every once in a blue moon to say ‘Hi’ and see what he’s up to (just as I’ve done since 2005 when he moved out). But, I confronted him (via email as that’s the only means of communication I have to him) about the impression I had that he doesn’t want to be hearing from me for non divorce related stuff. You see, I’ve always remained friends with all my exes, even if I started a new relationship or if they started a new relationship; it just wasn’t odd to me. But, Adam is different; he’s a very private person and even though I’m not asking him private questions, I got the feeling that he doesn’t want to be hearing from me after the divorce. Which, as I’ve mentioned, is fine. After all, we need to close certain chapters from our past and move on to start the new chapters. I don’t think I’ll ‘miss’ him in any sense. I guess, in a sense, I received closure from him when he, more or less, confirmed what I thought. So, that is that.

Now, onto the wedding stuff! Last night I bought my first wedding magazine!! I bought the winter edition of The Knot, the magazine version of the website for things in the DC, VA, MD area. And, today, I read that magazine from cover to cover! I highlighted things of interest and worth looking into and checked out a few vendors and potential wedding/ceremony websites.

Even though, as of today, I have 653 days until my wedding, I want to pick out my location; and it’s slightly difficult because I don’t know how many guests we’re going to invite vs. attend. Greg thinks we’ll easily have 150 attendees; I think he’s wrong. Plus, if we have a wedding with that many guests, it’s really going to be financially stressful for us (I, without mentioning anything to my family – as in asking, am not expecting help from our families for our wedding, especially since I’m a repeat bride (sorta)). I am expecting something smaller, like around 75 guests. The second topic of discussion is where to host our wedding and reception. Greg said he wants to do something exotic and feels that if we hold our wedding and reception at a park, that it’s too traditional. Greg and I view the word ‘traditional’ in terms of a wedding completely different; to me, a traditional wedding is a wedding that is held in a church and the reception in a banquet hall. So far, Greg and I have added Ripkin Stadiumas a possible ceremony/reception site. My Mom, on the other hand, would like us to have our wedding reception (as least) at her house. Granted, there are 20 acres to fit everyone, and there is a small beach where we could have the bon fire, but I feel it would be too much of a drive for everyone, and that there are no hotels near by for the guests (since EVERYONE would need a hotel room); if Mom lived closer, then I would seriously consider it (after all, my other wedding reception was held at home in Churchton). I believe the planning would be easier on me if I knew how much money I had to work with. But, I want to know how much everything is going to cost before I set my budget… it feels like I’m in a ‘catch 22’ regarding this part of the planning. Eh, as Greg says, we have plenty of time. Oh, and another item we dicussed was our “save the date” notices – we’re going to send them out this summer. We’re thinking magnets so everyone can put it on the fridge and, hopefully, not forget.

So, not too much going on.

Although, I really should be planning Amelia’s First Birthday Party, as I only have 2 weeks (eek!!). Guess Greg and I will work on that this weekend…

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