I had it…

then I lost it.

I had something really interesting to write about and since work was nearly dead today, I had the time to plan out how I was going to write about this (self image was the subject) … but, I’ve since lost the it. I suck sometimes.

Moving on…

I fell asleep during Top Chef last night! The horror! Also, I apparently missed out on the action last night that caused Greg to call 911! Supposedly, I woke up sometime during the evening, when Greg was still awake, and he updated me on Top Chef and the car accident. I, of course, don’t recall any conversation as such.

Lately I’ve been daydreaming about the night Greg and I make love for the first time as husband and wife. I’m not daydreaming about the actual act of sex but more about the emotions behind it. Which is a bit odd for me because I am not one that ties emotions with sex; I can easily have sex with someone and not have any sort of feelings for the person or what we just did. To me, sex is an activity – something fun and feels really good. I don’t need/use sex to express my feelings or emotions for someone. That’s what petting (my term for rubbing someones feet, shoulders, head (the upper one), or any other part of the body in a non-sexual way), kissing, hugging, and telling the person (either verbally, written or through body language) does. I’m not one of those girls that will withhold sex because I am angry at him; instead I just won’t “pet” him; because, if I want to have sex – being angry at someone isn’t going to stop me from getting what I want. I believe I’m “one in a million”, for girls, that think this way; hence the reason why I’m a little surprised at myself for daydreaming about the emotional feeling that I am going to have when Greg and I make love for the first time after we’re married. But, that’s not to say I haven’t had ’emotional sex’ before; the night Greg and I made love after we told each other that we love each other for the first time (February 08, 2007) is a night that I will never forget (emotionally as well). I still get that butterfly feeling in my stomach remembering that night. I also believe it was that night that I fell in love with Greg. Ugh, I’m getting all teary-eyed just thinking about it! **yeah, just so you know – not that you really need to know – my cycle has started so I’m a little more emotional than normal**

Earlier tonight I was reminiscing through pictures of Amelia’s first year – mainly the things that we were doing this time last year; getting excited about Greg’s first Father’s Day and moving in together mostly. I am stuck about Father’s Day this year. There are so many things I want to give/do to/for Greg because he’s such an amazing person, lover, and Father. I want to give him the world and show him how much he means to me. Yes, he already knows how much I want to spoil him and he’s constantly reminding me (maybe hinting is a better word) that he doesn’t need/want gifts from me because “having you and Amelia in my life is the only thing I want.”, as said by Greg. Except, Greg and I are the same in certain aspects: showering each other gifts is one of them. Greg spoils me,and not with just material things (yeah, nevermind the custom laptop, perfect engagement ring and wedding band, awesome camera, oh, and diamond stud earrings) but with the little things that hold so much more value. I want to do something memorable (even though what we did last year was pretty great); something that will touch his heart… except the things I know that will have such an impact also cost a lot (such as a day trip to NY to see a Yankee’s game before the stadium is demolished; a private tour of Camden Yards and meet a few of his favorite ball players; something, anything, aeronautical, such as a tour of BWI’s flight tower) which is kind of a bummer because I don’t want to be held back on something because of cost; yet, I don’t want to ruin what little financial freedom we have (at the moment) and Greg has already expressed that he doesn’t want any gifts (because, according to him, I spent most of MY bonus money on him and that is more than enough) and just planning a simple brunch (like we did last year) and going to a park is enough. Yeah… except it doesn’t feel enough to me – he deserves more! I have a strong idea of what I am going to get him for Father’s Day – the items are petty (for memory/emotional factor) but, they are the ‘little things’ that he wants. Also, we’ve decided to have a date at the end of June; we’re going to go out to dinner and then see WALL-E.

My Mom is coming up to watch Amelia next week. It also turns out to be my aunts birthday; she would be turning 46. I should probably call April on that day to say “hi” and stuff. Also, maybe talk about setting up a “Girls Day” with her, Olivia, my Mom, Amelia, and myself – I need to start looking for a wedding dress (or something of the sort) and was planning on going down to Waldorf, since that’s where everyone is, and maybe we can add a mani/pedi to the “Girls Day” and other stuff. Just a thought at the moment… should probably talk to Greg about it as well…

Ok, I’m tired. Going to head off to bed.

Mental note: Call Doc’s office to schedule an appt – since for some unknown reason he wants to see the “boo-boo” and try to coordinate the date with Michele’s visit (since she wants me to ‘approve’ her new man).

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