Busy Bee

Work has been kicking my ass this week. Yesterday I stayed until 8pm! I was going to stay again tonight but I had one of the worst days in a while and was pretty much “fuck this! I’m not staying any longer than need be”

I believe that every women I spoke with today had PMS. And, I was on the verge of loosing it and screaming a those women and telling them to “Shut the fuck UP and let me finish my sentience!!” because NO ONE would let me finish what I was trying to say because they were too busy screaming at the top of their lungs (into the phone) and cursing me out. I have never, in my life, been called a bitch so many times as I have today (or in general for that matter). It was a bad day for me.

To add to that, I had to make an appointment with the dentist because the tooth that I broke earlier this month is starting to act up. I have never had problems with my teeth prior to getting pregnant, but I’ve learned that when a women is pregnant, the baby ‘takes’ all the calcium from the mother’s body and usually the teeth are the ones most effected. Sure seems to be true for me. Needless to say, I’m petrified of this visit given my last two experiences with the dentist; so much so that I’ve requested light sedation and the dentist prescribed something for me to take before the appointment… I can’t remember the name of the drug, but whatever.. I’ll take it.

Also, on the list today, I began my search for a Ob/Gyn because… I have even MORE reasons to be paranoid about being (possibly) pregnant. I know, I am such a procrastinator (and that’s all I’m going to admit to), but these new ‘symptoms’ are starting to push me. What are they? Well, for the last week and a half I’ve had severe nausea in the afternoon, usually within a half hour to an hour after eating lunch; for the past week and a half my boobs (both of them this time) have been sore and ‘feel’ different – like… fuller and they look fuller to me (Greg says he doesn’t see any difference); and the sinker is when I stand up quickly I get this sharp-ish pulling pain in my lower abdomen (more in the hip/pelvic area) and the last time I felt those was the Summer of 2006 (when I was preggers and didn’t know), and when I mentioned this to my old Ob/Gyn (because I made an appointment due to the sore boob for nearly a month – and it was time for my annual), he said it was probably due to a shift of my intestines (did loose nearly 40lbs in 5 months) brought on by my sudden movement. And, to me that made sense. Yeah… not believing it this time. So, it’s time for me to suck it up and find out once and for all.

I told Greg all of this earlier tonight (after we had sex… talk about a ‘just after’ mood killer) to gage his feelings about ‘what could be’, and … he’s cool with it (sorta). He did say that he was going to have a vasectomy once Baby #2 is born (so I don’t have to remain on birth control – and he knows how much I hate being on b/c). Then, he joked that he must have some mighty sperm or something – and I replied with something along the lines of “yeah.. and my body can resist the powers of b/c”… meh, at least he was light hearted about it. Which, I guess could be because one of his best friends, Tim and Brooke, are going to have a baby girl this fall and another co-worker of his (the one that invited us to their wedding in NY this past May) just found out she’s pregnant and due in February 2009 (she did the math and realized she got pregnant on her wedding night!); so maybe he’s getting the ‘baby bug’ or something (like he would ever admit to that… LOL).

My step-dad’s eBay sales are exceeding my expectations! He’s actually got nearly $2000 worth of bids on the items I listed for him! I still have one more to list, but I need to call him first… something I’ve been meaning to do for the last two nights.

The UPS Guy is leaving love notes again. I’ve been waiting for my Target order all week and tonight was the second night that s/he left ANOTHER stupid sticky note on the door – how anal are these people about the signature and name? Geez!

This weekend we are heading down to Mom’s and we’re going to leave Amelia with her since the babysitter is going to the Bahama’s until the 30th (babysitters daughter is in a dance competition or something). I have to finish packing Amelia clothes and toys and make sure I send all the little odds and ends down (baby Tylenol; enough diapers; de-tangler spray, etc). I’m already missing Amelia and she hasn’t left yet. These last few weeks have been … jaw dropping with Amelia’s rapid development; her verbal skills are better than those who are two or older, she’s actually begun counting objects (such as her fingers, Cheerios, etc)… it’s all so… freaky! I’m seriously blown away; yet I want more! It’s hard to explain, at least for me.

Greg and I are going to our first O’s game this Sunday. The O’s are having a “We Win, You Win 2” promotion, which is “…all fans in attendance at the 1:35 p.m. game on Sunday, July 20 against the Detroit Tigers will receive two complimentary tickets in the same seating category to any future non-prime game, if the Orioles win.” and we’re going to buy tickets in the “all you can eat” seats!

Next Wednesday night a group of us are meeting at a local restaurant for dinner and then we’re going to see the new Batman movie.

And, the last week of July we are going to Ocean City! Amelia’s first beach trip!!! I can’t wait. It’s been ages (ok, May 2005) since I swam in the Atlantic Ocean. This past Monday I bought a new bathing suit from Sears and I’ve pretty excited. Greg reserved a nice hotel room right on the Boardwalk!

We’ve got a pretty busy social calander for the remainder of the month, and I couldn’t be happier!!

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Busy Bee

Work has been kicking my ass this week. Yesterday I stayed until 8pm! I was going to stay again tonight but I had one of the worst days in a while and was pretty much “fuck this! I’m not staying any longer than need be”

I believe that every women I spoke with today had PMS. And, I was on the verge of loosing it and screaming a those women and telling them to “Shut the fuck UP and let me finish my sentience!!” because NO ONE would let me finish what I was trying to say because they were too busy screaming at the top of their lungs (into the phone) and cursing me out. I have never, in my life, been called a bitch so many times as I have today (or in general for that matter). It was a bad day for me.

To add to that, I had to make an appointment with the dentist because the tooth that I broke earlier this month is starting to act up. I have never had problems with my teeth prior to getting pregnant, but I’ve learned that when a women is pregnant, the baby ‘takes’ all the calcium from the mother’s body and usually the teeth are the ones most effected. Sure seems to be true for me. Needless to say, I’m petrified of this visit given my last two experiences with the dentist; so much so that I’ve requested light sedation and the dentist prescribed something for me to take before the appointment… I can’t remember the name of the drug, but whatever.. I’ll take it.

Also, on the list today, I began my search for a Ob/Gyn because… I have even MORE reasons to be paranoid about being (possibly) pregnant. I know, I am such a procrastinator (and that’s all I’m going to admit to), but these new ‘symptoms’ are starting to push me. What are they? Well, for the last week and a half I’ve had severe nausea in the afternoon, usually within a half hour to an hour after eating lunch; for the past week and a half my boobs (both of them this time) have been sore and ‘feel’ different – like… fuller and they look fuller to me (Greg says he doesn’t see any difference); and the sinker is when I stand up quickly I get this sharp-ish pulling pain in my lower abdomen (more in the hip/pelvic area) and the last time I felt those was the Summer of 2006 (when I was preggers and didn’t know), and when I mentioned this to my old Ob/Gyn (because I made an appointment due to the sore boob for nearly a month – and it was time for my annual), he said it was probably due to a shift of my intestines (did loose nearly 40lbs in 5 months) brought on by my sudden movement. And, to me that made sense. Yeah… not believing it this time. So, it’s time for me to suck it up and find out once and for all.

I told Greg all of this earlier tonight (after we had sex… talk about a ‘just after’ mood killer) to gage his feelings about ‘what could be’, and … he’s cool with it (sorta). He did say that he was going to have a vasectomy once Baby #2 is born (so I don’t have to remain on birth control – and he knows how much I hate being on b/c). Then, he joked that he must have some mighty sperm or something – and I replied with something along the lines of “yeah.. and my body can resist the powers of b/c”… meh, at least he was light hearted about it. Which, I guess could be because one of his best friends, Tim and Brooke, are going to have a baby girl this fall and another co-worker of his (the one that invited us to their wedding in NY this past May) just found out she’s pregnant and due in February 2009 (she did the math and realized she got pregnant on her wedding night!); so maybe he’s getting the ‘baby bug’ or something (like he would ever admit to that… LOL).

My step-dad’s eBay sales are exceeding my expectations! He’s actually got nearly $2000 worth of bids on the items I listed for him! I still have one more to list, but I need to call him first… something I’ve been meaning to do for the last two nights.

The UPS Guy is leaving love notes again. I’ve been waiting for my Target order all week and tonight was the second night that s/he left ANOTHER stupid sticky note on the door – how anal are these people about the signature and name? Geez!

This weekend we are heading down to Mom’s and we’re going to leave Amelia with her since the babysitter is going to the Bahama’s until the 30th (babysitters daughter is in a dance competition or something). I have to finish packing Amelia clothes and toys and make sure I send all the little odds and ends down (baby Tylenol; enough diapers; de-tangler spray, etc). I’m already missing Amelia and she hasn’t left yet. These last few weeks have been … jaw dropping with Amelia’s rapid development; her verbal skills are better than those who are two or older, she’s actually begun counting objects (such as her fingers, Cheerios, etc)… it’s all so… freaky! I’m seriously blown away; yet I want more! It’s hard to explain, at least for me.

Greg and I are going to our first O’s game this Sunday. The O’s are having a “We Win, You Win 2” promotion, which is “…all fans in attendance at the 1:35 p.m. game on Sunday, July 20 against the Detroit Tigers will receive two complimentary tickets in the same seating category to any future non-prime game, if the Orioles win.” and we’re going to buy tickets in the “all you can eat” seats!

Next Wednesday night a group of us are meeting at a local restaurant for dinner and then we’re going to see the new Batman movie.

And, the last week of July we are going to Ocean City! Amelia’s first beach trip!!! I can’t wait. It’s been ages (ok, May 2005) since I swam in the Atlantic Ocean. This past Monday I bought a new bathing suit from Sears and I’ve pretty excited. Greg reserved a nice hotel room right on the Boardwalk!

We’ve got a pretty busy social calander for the remainder of the month, and I couldn’t be happier!!

This and That

A whole lot of nothing has been going on… sorta.

It’s nice to know that some things, price wise and such, are going down for me – rather than increasing. What, might you be wondering to yourself, in the current world be decreasing in price? Well, my car insurance! It’s actually $5/month cheaper this year than last years, and that’s including the car accident I had last July! Hey, $5 less is better than $5 more!

This is the year of 30. Every single one of Greg’s friends, and Greg himself, are turning, or have turned, 30 this year. Shoot, this coming Sunday I am going to Jay’s 30th Birthday party! I’m the odd one out for the year. Oh well.

Today was an extremely busy day. And oddly enough, it was a good day. Today I broke my all time record on productivity; but I had no choice since 6 people decided to not show up for work!!! There is a lot of speculation going on, around the office, about those that called out – some are thinking it was intentional – kind of like that Pregnancy Pact up in Massachusetts. Either way, tomorrow should be interesting.

There is some sad news: One of Greg’s friends, Billy (who turned 30 in May) has been in and out of the hospital since April (actually, he was admitted right after his daughter’s 2nd Birthday Party – which Greg and I, with Amelia, attended). His status isn’t good and the doctors at Hopkins don’t know what’s wrong. This morning Greg received an email from Billy’s wife (who also works at the same company) giving everyone an update. Here are a few excerpts from the email:

I want to give you all an update on Billy. He is in terrible shape. Over the past week he has had one major surgery to remove his large intestine, and then two subsequent major, emergency surgeries because of intermittent uncontrolled bleeding.

He has had at least 15 blood transfusions (I’ve lost count) and has something like 16 IVs pumping various drugs into him.

He has been declared a trauma patient because of the terrible stress his body has been subject to over three major surgeries.

He is fighting for his life.

Those are just a few sentences from the email. Greg is scared; he mentioned what Billy is going through is sort of a wake-up call in life for him. That last sentence from Billy’s wife “He is fighting for his life” is scary to read and comprehend the severity of the situation. Billy just turned 30 years old. He has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter and an amazing and beautiful wife. His life is just beginning! It’s also scary at how quickly his ‘illness’ has progressed – he’s so weak right now. In a sense, this kind of reminds me what me and my family were going through back in late October 2005 (the link was the very first post about my aunt and started the 7 weeks) – when my aunt was dying; the time from her diagnosis to death was 7 weeks. She was 44 when she died in December 2005. We were all in shock at how quickly everything happened. I really hope the same isn’t happening with Billy. I’m not much of one to ask for prayers, but I am sure Billy could use some – and he and his family are definitely in my thoughts and hopes for a speedy recovery.

Hard to change the subject after the last paragraph…

Let’s talk about something wedding related, shall we?

Ok. I’ve been debating if I want a veil or not. And, if I do, I want something short – maybe shoulder length. I do know, that if I do want a veil that I am going to have the veil attached to a tiara, rather than hair combs. So, this past Sunday I took Amelia with me to A.C. Moore, a craft store, to look around at some of the DYI bridal ‘stuff’. Yeah, didn’t leave much to be desired. But, I did find a tiara that I kinda sorta like:

Possible Tiara

it’s two toned; gold and non-gold. I like the design, simple and not too flashy (if at all). But still not feeling ‘it’. I’ve been looking around on eBay as well and haven’t found anything either. Eh, maybe I’ll go without – after all, it’s a simple eloping ceremony, right?

Have you ever had one of those days where something sticks out about the date? Today was one of those days. There was something about 6/23 the kept ringing something… and then I relized what it is: today is Adam’s 33rd birthday. I knew his birthday was coming up (I never forget a birthday, seriously. I’m freaky about dates like that). There was a brief moment when I thought about sending him an email (our last exchange was in January) but I decided against it. I haven’t thought about, much less cared, about him since I received the divorce papers in the mail. So, just for shit’s sake, I went through my old emails from him (keeping a record just in case) and re-reading his replies brought up some anger – again. Eh, that’s all in the past and I’ve moved on – I got my divroce and there is nothing else I need from him. Booked closed.

Remember when I was talking about Boudior photos; well I got a little creative and had Greg take a few photos. I’m going to post a few, because they turned out really good, in a password protected post – leave a comment if your curious (they’re clean and tasteful).

I’m getting sleepy so I’m heading off to bed.

This and That

A whole lot of nothing has been going on… sorta.

It’s nice to know that some things, price wise and such, are going down for me – rather than increasing. What, might you be wondering to yourself, in the current world be decreasing in price? Well, my car insurance! It’s actually $5/month cheaper this year than last years, and that’s including the car accident I had last July! Hey, $5 less is better than $5 more!

This is the year of 30. Every single one of Greg’s friends, and Greg himself, are turning, or have turned, 30 this year. Shoot, this coming Sunday I am going to Jay’s 30th Birthday party! I’m the odd one out for the year. Oh well.

Today was an extremely busy day. And oddly enough, it was a good day. Today I broke my all time record on productivity; but I had no choice since 6 people decided to not show up for work!!! There is a lot of speculation going on, around the office, about those that called out – some are thinking it was intentional – kind of like that Pregnancy Pact up in Massachusetts. Either way, tomorrow should be interesting.

There is some sad news: One of Greg’s friends, Billy (who turned 30 in May) has been in and out of the hospital since April (actually, he was admitted right after his daughter’s 2nd Birthday Party – which Greg and I, with Amelia, attended). His status isn’t good and the doctors at Hopkins don’t know what’s wrong. This morning Greg received an email from Billy’s wife (who also works at the same company) giving everyone an update. Here are a few excerpts from the email:

I want to give you all an update on Billy. He is in terrible shape. Over the past week he has had one major surgery to remove his large intestine, and then two subsequent major, emergency surgeries because of intermittent uncontrolled bleeding.

He has had at least 15 blood transfusions (I’ve lost count) and has something like 16 IVs pumping various drugs into him.

He has been declared a trauma patient because of the terrible stress his body has been subject to over three major surgeries.

He is fighting for his life.

Those are just a few sentences from the email. Greg is scared; he mentioned what Billy is going through is sort of a wake-up call in life for him. That last sentence from Billy’s wife “He is fighting for his life” is scary to read and comprehend the severity of the situation. Billy just turned 30 years old. He has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter and an amazing and beautiful wife. His life is just beginning! It’s also scary at how quickly his ‘illness’ has progressed – he’s so weak right now. In a sense, this kind of reminds me what me and my family were going through back in late October 2005 (the link was the very first post about my aunt and started the 7 weeks) – when my aunt was dying; the time from her diagnosis to death was 7 weeks. She was 44 when she died in December 2005. We were all in shock at how quickly everything happened. I really hope the same isn’t happening with Billy. I’m not much of one to ask for prayers, but I am sure Billy could use some – and he and his family are definitely in my thoughts and hopes for a speedy recovery.

Hard to change the subject after the last paragraph…

Let’s talk about something wedding related, shall we?

Ok. I’ve been debating if I want a veil or not. And, if I do, I want something short – maybe shoulder length. I do know, that if I do want a veil that I am going to have the veil attached to a tiara, rather than hair combs. So, this past Sunday I took Amelia with me to A.C. Moore, a craft store, to look around at some of the DYI bridal ‘stuff’. Yeah, didn’t leave much to be desired. But, I did find a tiara that I kinda sorta like:

Possible Tiara

it’s two toned; gold and non-gold. I like the design, simple and not too flashy (if at all). But still not feeling ‘it’. I’ve been looking around on eBay as well and haven’t found anything either. Eh, maybe I’ll go without – after all, it’s a simple eloping ceremony, right?

Have you ever had one of those days where something sticks out about the date? Today was one of those days. There was something about 6/23 the kept ringing something… and then I relized what it is: today is Adam’s 33rd birthday. I knew his birthday was coming up (I never forget a birthday, seriously. I’m freaky about dates like that). There was a brief moment when I thought about sending him an email (our last exchange was in January) but I decided against it. I haven’t thought about, much less cared, about him since I received the divorce papers in the mail. So, just for shit’s sake, I went through my old emails from him (keeping a record just in case) and re-reading his replies brought up some anger – again. Eh, that’s all in the past and I’ve moved on – I got my divroce and there is nothing else I need from him. Booked closed.

Remember when I was talking about Boudior photos; well I got a little creative and had Greg take a few photos. I’m going to post a few, because they turned out really good, in a password protected post – leave a comment if your curious (they’re clean and tasteful).

I’m getting sleepy so I’m heading off to bed.

Nothing to Say

Don’t have anything to write about tonight.

Does anyone else watch Andrew Zimmern: Bizarre Foods or Anthony Bourdain? I am hooked on both shows (and just about all the shows on the Travel Channel) Greg can’t watch Bizarre Foods; he’s too squeamish. I, on the other hand, have a curiosity that is stronger than the stomach (sometimes). I don’t know how Andrew Zimmerman can eat some of the foods that he does; I know I would be gaging and throwing up before I could pick up the item. I used to get so squeamish watching Fear Factor! But, at least with Andrew Zimmerman, it’s about the culture and not just for shock (sometimes). Anthony Bourdain is just funny; his show is great. He has such a great personality and dry sense of humor.

So, it’s confirmed. We’re doing a family Disney Cruise in July 2009. Greg and I may continue with a honeymoon cruise (no destination set), without the family. But, it’s cool to know that I’m going on two cruises in 2009!

On the 25th I finally receive my bonus check in the amount of $5,000 (excluding taxes)!! I am going to pay off the NCL cruise, pay a good chunk on the Dell card (for Greg’s camera) and buy some much needed clothes. Oh, and give Lisa $500, because without her I wouldn’t be receiving the $$$.

Quiet night (in my mind).

Balls for Brains

I’m all over the place.

I don’t know what I want to do from one minute to the next.

Right now, I just want to plan something!

I called my Mom on my way home from work and told her about my idea for a family cruise for her 50th birthday. She was like “ok” and then when I mentioned Disney Cruise, she became more excited. She really wants to do something Disney. So, Greg and I began our number crunching for 8 adults and 2 kids (Amelia will be 2.5 years of age and Olivia will be 2 come July 2009). It’s looking pretty good.

I have to work on Greg’s 30th Birthday ‘party’. He still doesn’t know what he wants to do and we’re running out of time. I’ve begun ‘cake shopping’ as I would like to get him a special birthday cake; I’m thinking a Mario Bros. themed cake with a picture of Mario jumping up to hit a  block and a star is rising out of the block that says “Happy 30th Birthday”, or maybe Mario kicking a turtle shell with ‘Good Bye 20’s” on the shell. If not a Mario themed cake then it will be an O’s themed cake. I’ve been looking for locations to host the birthday ‘party’; I don’t know if I should do something in the city, such as The Camden Pub, or something closer to home. Eh, I’ll send an email to Greg’s co-workers and see what they suggest (since it will be them that will attend, I hope).

Tonight I asked Greg what he wanted to do for our wedding. I am beginning to feel… hmmm… I can’t think of a word, but what I am feeling is lack of interest, so to speak. The wedding date, 09.06.09, is so far away, yet I want to start working on it. Which is why I probably feel the urge to organize something, anything, and have been going balls out on planning a family trip (yes, I am aware that even that trip is in July 2009 – not much of a time difference from the wedding date). Back to the wedding, Greg and I feel different about the ceremony; I am content with a Justice of the Peace ceremony (which is what Adam and I did) and Greg feels that is too ‘white trash’, for lack of a better description; yet, he doesn’t want the whole ‘pomp and cercumstance’ type ceremony (standing at the ‘alter’ with his best man waiting for me to walk down the isle). And, he stated that the ceremony has meaning to him (whereas, for me it doesn’t – is that a little weird?), so he wants something special as a ceremony. Hm. up shitz creek sans paddle? I don’t know. I asked him if I should continue searching for ceremony and reception location all-in-one’s and he said yes. So, we’re back to square one. I just want to know what we’re doing for our wedding. Oh, last night I thought I found another location to add to our list, Overhills Mansion. This morning I received an email from the site and I shared it with Greg; to which I was informed that was the location that he and his exe booked their reception – so that became a big, fat, NO. Which is a shame because we could bring our own alcohol (and that would cut down a huge expense) and they would serve it. As Greg and I were looking at the Disney Cruise information for next year, I asked him how he would feel about compromising our wedding budget for multiple mini-vacations and have our wedding in Vegas (which he felt would be better than a Justice of the Peace ceremony). He was keen on the idea until we became stuck about the topic of children; Vegas isn’t a place for kids (or, at least the hotels/casinos).  Oh well, the search continues… if I know what I’m looking for.

Our trip to Michigan is getting closer and closer! That is something I am looking forward to.

Greg received a wedding invitation for his cousins marriage. The wedding is in Alabama; we don’t think the grandparents know we were invited. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to attend. The wedding is on May 16, that is 6 days before we go to Michigan. I’m going to mail the RSVP card, along with Crystals (there wedding is on May 25 in New York) indicating our decline. I should check to see if they have a registry and send a gift.

That’s all for now, folks!

Figures

… I don’t mean that in the physical sense…

… nor numerical sense…

but in the sense that when you are thinking/expecting one thing and you let your guard down; your expectations up – it would figure something would go wrong…

Greg and I had one of those moments tonight. But, through this moment one of us realized we were thinking in the wrong sense…

Greg has literally spoiled me these past someodd weeks; he has given me every thing I’ve been wanting – in the materialistic way – for years in just a span of 6 weeks. At the same time, he’s given me something I’ve never had before – an experience that I’ve never felt – and this something has no physical-ness or material identity, and that something is being in-love.

With the combination of the two, I have quickly adapted to a form of attention (so to speak) and let my guard down and allowed expectations to creep in. Generally, I don’t set expectations for myself or others. I would rather not feel let down or disappointed in something that I have no control over; and with this outlook I have probably missed out on a lot of opportunities in life.

I have a point to this, I promise.

I had let my emotional guard down (yes, I still keep some level of a guard up – old habits are hard to break) in regards to my expectations of Greg and our first anniversary (of being in a committed relationship together (which has been very emotionally trying, at times, for me)).

Last night Greg and I talked about our plans for this weekend and next weekend. It was decided, from my understanding, that we would celebrate my birthday more low key rather than what he was originally planning. I had no problems with this because we had agreed to celebrate my 30th birthday by going on a cruise together – which in my mind it didn’t make sense to go overboard (ha ha – pun intended) two birthdays in a row – and that we would focus more of our planning for our first anniversary. With that being said last night, my expectations of this anniversary and everything it means went up a couple of notches; and I let my protective guard (the one that prevents me from setting expectations) down.

Tonight Greg tells me that he’s having second thoughts about his plans for our anniversary; feeling that the amount of money that would be spent doesn’t justify the means. In so many words.

That started the emotional roller coast.

It upset me; it even hurt. I told him, after explaining that it’s not the amount of money spent, but what memories I am going to have about this event in our life (granted, not as big as our wedding but at this present moment in time – right here, right now – this is a big moment in my life with him) that it felt like he was placing a monetary value (as in what’s costing too much) on something that’s suppose to be memorable by the emotions we feel for each other and how we celebrate this milestone.

We talked, at length, about how we interpret milestones in life (birthdays, anniversaries, etc). To Greg, achieving those milestones, year after year, have none, if very little, significant value to him – he’s just happy to hear a ‘happy birthday’ on his birthday. Maybe this perspective is just a guy thing, I don’t know.  And, in all honesty, I usually feel the same to somedegree. I don’t expect a lot of attention or recognition on my birthday, or something I’ve achieved; i don’t expect to be treated like a princess or queen for a day or anything to that degree. But, when it comes to an anniversary – something very significant as the first anniversary, then yes – I do have a higher level of expectations; after the first anniversary my expectations revert back to the levels of a birthday (a card at least).

Greg did some serious thinking about my feelings of our relationship and why this anniversary means so much to me and realized what he’s been doing and how he sees things.

Greg’s epiphany, so to speak, was that he’s always thinking in the sense of ‘seeing’ when it comes to the emotions and meaning of a gift – meaning he relates the emotional gratitude of the gift by what the person physically has but not by the emotional memory/meaning of the gift; he relates a value by money rather than by memory. He’s ‘seeing’ things with the wrong perspective.

I am really trying to express my thoughts into something more accurate and easier to understand than what I’ve written. It’s frustrating, slightly, that I am unable to write what I feel. I am seriously considering a writing class so I can learn to express my thoughts in writing better.

When he realized all this, he realized why I was upset by what he said earlier. He realized that it isn’t the amount of money spent on the anniversary but the memories I (we) am going to have from our time together – the whole package of us celebrating this milestone.

How does this figure out?  Greg is going to try to think outside of the money box and more into what the meaning. This doesn’t mean we’re going to go balls out on things in the future – but he’s seeing the meaning of certain milestones in life rather than the cost to create those memories.

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Greg and I are very similar in thinking when it comes to money; if there is extra money, we’ll treat is as something to hoard. It’s very hard for us to spend money on things that are unnecessary, such as a hotel 15 miles up the road, even though Greg and I are financially stable at this time – it’s still hard for us to let go of the money (and this extra money isn’t including the amount in our savings account – which is for the purpose of an emergency) – even though we acknowledge that we are not putting ourselves in jeopardy by spending this money; we’re not delaying any payments to anyone; we’re not depriving ourselves of something we need over something we want. This extra money is available for us to have fun – enjoy this once in a life time moment of being ‘free’ from financial stresses. All of this we know is safe to do, but we’re having such a hard time doing it.

Thinking like this has its benefits and downfalls. I feel that Greg and I have our financial priorities straight and we know when we can’t afford something. Yet, at the same time, we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy the moments when we have the ability to treat ourselves.

It’s a vicious circle, money that is.