Change and Determination

2015 is going to be THE year of changes.
I know it is and I am determined to make sure it will be.

I have three goals this year:

Financial
Health
Career

Financial: as of today, I do not have any credit card debt. The only credit card debt in my name are the two cards that Greg and I share, but are under his name. My goal is for Greg and I to get pre-approved for a mortgage in 2015. My credit score took a massive hit this past summer and I’m going to rebuild my score as quickly as possible as well as start contributing to my savings account again.

Health: I’ve decided that I want to work on my health. The depression has had enough controller over the past two years that I am now going to take it back.  I am a person that enjoys group exercises and Zumba is looking more interesting as well as other group activities. In addition to beating this depression, I want to build up my endurance for the every day things; I’m tired of feeling tired and lazy. Healthy eating… well, I like my meats and potatoes. I’ll work on incorporating more veggies in my snacks and meals. But, must do so in baby steps.

Career: this will be the biggest challenge for me. I’ve become comfortable in my current role, though unhappy. I’m ready for a change in responsibilities and or role altogether but I lack confidence in my abilities. I suck at interviews because I just can’t sell myself. I’d rather tell potential employers that I’d rather my work speak for me. I want prove that I can do the job instead of saying I can do it.

I’ve taken a break on classes (only missed last fall) and I’m only 35 credits shy of graduating with a bachelor degree. I can do this! And, I know that having a degree will aid in my job hunt. Also, I’m going to reach out to the university for career development and help me work on my interview skills as well as where I can best apply my education and work experience to get me the career I want. 

I’m excited about this path and goals for 2015. Knowing me, I just hope I can keep myself motivated and pumped!

What are your goals for 2015?

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What’s Happening?

How was your summer?

Ours was busy. And, to my dismay, we didn’t make it to the beach (even for a day trip).

I took 2 classes over the summer; Algebra and Human Biology. Greg had to help with the Algebra; math just isn’t my thing (well, math that requires x’s and y’s and plotting graph’s, etc).

Amelia attended our county’s summer camp program and loved it! Such a huge difference in willingness to participate this year than last year. We picked a somewhat different program that had field trips every week and we also picked a different school (one by my office) and I think that made the difference. We’ll probably do the same next summer.

We bought a new (to us) car! Greg and I would daydream about our next car purchase. What did we want in the car, such as the size (sedan vs. SUV. vs minivan), features and options, and manufacturer. So many factors to consider! And, after this experience I’ve learned that I hate car shopping. Hate it! But, in the end of our adventure (that’s a whole other post to share), we got the car that fits our family’s needs and that we enjoy driving as well.

Sofia. My goodness is this girl getting big! I wouldn’t be surprised is she’s already 25lbs and 30 inches tall. I keep telling Greg that we need to move her into a bigger carseat, but he doesn’t want to give up the carrier (even though its ridiculously heavy with her in it). That, and it would admit that she’s no longer a ‘baby’ and she’s in her way to be a toddler. Sofia does have 2 teethe in and just last week, or the week. For, she’s begun crawling!

Well, this is all the time I have for an update. I have several drafts written…one day ill get to them.

Rants & Updates

I don’t know if it’s because my cycle is ending and the hormones are still having their ‘fun’ with me (TMI, I know), or what, but today I became pretty angry at work and those that I report to. Today I truly felt ‘over worked & under appreciated’ when I was scolded at with regard to what tasks I had deemed priority and what were not.  Might sound petty to y’all, but given all the tasks that I am responsible for and how I am the only person that does these tasks – which means that when I am not at work these tasks do not get done – … everything is a big deal to me.

I’m starting to get to the point where I am reviewing the past five years at my current employer and realize that the next five years are, more than likely, going to be the exact same because there is absolutely no growth opportunities at this place. How can I apply what I’ve learned during the past 12 months since going back to school when I am stuck in a position that I can not apply this knowledge to?

I’ve finally gotten around to uploading our vacation pictures! As well as some picture’s of Amelia’s birthday. Greg didn’t want me to upload the pictures until he edited them, but I’ve become impatient and I know Greg’s grandparents have been wanting to see them as well (they check the Flickr account regularly).

Greg and I have begun to casually, yet seriously, look at houses and focus on area’s we want to live in. Ultimately, we’d like to buy a single family home but Greg is super picky on the areas were these homes are available so we might end up in a townhouse.

Only 9 more months until our cruise… I could get pregnant and have a baby by the time we cruise… which is completely possible.

Speaking of babies, my cousin April is going to have another baby girl! Olivia is excited to have a baby sister! And, I can say that Greg and I are, more or less, actively trying to conceive our second child. I’m hoping that we will have our second child by the end of 2011 (which means I have until March to get pregnant). I have a weird thing for numbers and the numbers 7 & 11 are my lucky number; well, Amelia was born in 2007 so I am hopeful that the second will be here in 2011. I’m weird, right?

 

So much on the brain

Life has really picked up recently.

I went to the doctors the last week of June to discuss my ADD and that I am 55+ days late with my cycle and had several negative HPT results (all of which occured when I was pregnant with Amelia) and requested a blood test. I had the blood drawn on July 2 and I haven’t heard back, but not really stressing it either. Then, on July 8 my cycle started; exactly 3 months to the day when my last cycle started. So now I am wondering what’s going on with my hormones and if my PCOS symptoms are returning.

Last week Amelia and I spent a few days down with my Mom. Recently, my Mom was diagnosed with MS and I got to truly see how it affects her; physically and emotionally. My heart hurt so much to see her in such misery. When I left on Friday afternoon, as soon as got into the city where I had cell reception, I immediately texted my brother and Greg about Moms condition and other things. I told them both that we have to get Mom out of her current situation and to live with us (as in Greg, Amelia, and me). Greg told me that he supports me and will do anything to help MY MOM because he cares about her as much as he cares for his Mom. I was crying in my drive home because I am so concerned about her and I want to do everything possible within my power to get her with me and my brother. But, my Mom is just as stubborn as I am.

Also, while visiting my Mom, my cousin and her daughter visited for an entire day. My cousin, April, and her boyfriend are officially trying to conceive their second baby. April and I are trying to get pregnant around the same time together so our children are close in age, like Amelia and Olivia are. I told this to Greg when I came home and reacted the same as any other male.

Our Disney vacation is only 10.5 weeks away! I’m starting to get excited about our week long trip. Although, I think I’m more excited to see Amelia’s reactions throughout the trip than anything else.

I’ve started to do some shopping for our trip by buying Disney themed items for Amelia. I’ve bought her a Tinkerbell Sundress and Tinkerbell Crocs. My high school friend that I recently did a photo shoot for is making Amelia a Minnie Mouse dress (similar to a dress that I saw on eBay), and I was looking at other Tinkerbell themed items such as lanyards, backpacks, etc to get Amelia all excited.

I’ve recently started my 5th class. This class is to learn more advanced functions on Excel. I submitted my first lab assignment last night and it took two days to complete due to the extensiveness of the assignment. I was not prepared to work that hard. LOL.

Ketchup (and Mustard)

It’s after 11pm as I type and I am beat.

This week has really worn me down. I am still in (some) disbelief over the busyness at work; in the 2 years I’ve been there, it’s never, ever, been this busy, and the sudden increase in volume has taken everyone, managers, CEO, and President, aback! We were not prepared for this; staffing and mentally. I feel safe in saying that EVERYONE at work is worn out.

With that being said, I am SO looking forward to this three day weekend! And, it’s a busy weekend for us.

Saturday is Brooke’s baby shower that I completely forgot all about and, unfortunately, can not attend. Instead, Greg and I are going to be running a slew of errands and attacking the mountain of chores and laundry.

Sunday is Michele’s engagement cook-out/party. I still need to get the time from her…

On Monday, the day I am probably most excited about, we are having a mini-road trip to Pennsylvania! We’ve decided (because I somewhat insisted) to visit a state park in PA – to go somewhere different. Originally, I wanted to visit Philadelphia since I’ve never been (yes, I need to get out more). But, on Wednesday when we were talking about this, we went over our budget and determined we didn’t have the funds available (because we would spend a lot of money on food and we’re trying to cut back on our food spending habit) and decided to visit a park instead. So, we checked out PA’s Parks and decided to visit the Susquehannock State Park.

By Wednesday I was ready to run away and that is why I decided (read: insisted) that we (read: me) need to venture outside of Maryland – I felt the need to just get away from Maryland and all the stress related. So, that’s why we’re going to PA!

So, there is a logical explanation of why I was feeling like the world was crushing me while everyone was pulling at my limbs in all different directions: hormones. Stupid cycle started on Thursday morning – just like clock work. Emotionally, I am feel much better than I was yesterday (Berger Cookies could have helped – mmm… chocolate), thought not 100% back to my ‘normal’ self; I hope to reach that state tomorrow. It’s funny because I wasn’t even sure the cycle was going to start on Thursday since I didn’t have any ‘warning signs’; no mood swings, no lower back ache, no increase in appetite or weird cravings, I felt pretty good (aside from stressed). Well, until Wednesday night (at work when I was about to loose it) and then Thursday morning. Have I mentioned how much I dislike being on birth control?

I think I called Greg like 4 times at work today to see if the camera arrived (Dell has surprised us in the past), to which the answer was always: nope. We’re expecting the camera to arrive on Tuesday. Boo. I was hoping to break it in this weekend, especially at Susquehannonk Park. It was funny, last night Greg and I were talking about the new camera and our ‘rules’; he made me promise (which I technically haven’t) not to use the ‘auto-modes’, such as the “golfer mode” for action shots, or “moon and stars mode” for night shots, but to keep the camera on all manual all the time – like a real photographer. And, if I accepted his requirement, he had to accept mine: to allow me to take the pictures as I want to take them, meaning if I want to lay in the river to get a specific shot – then so be it. He can not ‘baby’ the camera. Either way, our lives are about the change with the addition of the new camera; I am more riskier, than Greg is, when it comes to capturing the picture that I envision.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned our photography blog: J&G Photography. Since Greg is placing some of his pictures up for sale (he’s received a few reviews, but no sales yet), I thought it would be a good idea for him to have a photography blog/site. Greg, of course, agreed and has taken over. Now, I just need to work on the watermark – not really liking the one he created.

I still haven’t looked for a wedding dress. Although, I think I am going to order a dress from PeriMart. I learned of the site from the message boards and checked them out – their prices are amazing. I’m not worried about the dress being a knock-off or if it has slight imperfections, as long as it fits and I look good in it – I’m happy. Plus, with the amount of money I am going to be spending on the dress – I’m probably getting what I paid for and that’s fine by me. Although, the person that shared the site said her dress was amazing, so who knows. Oh, and they ship for free.

The first wedding planning meeting, for Michele, went very well. I think. I don’t what we got out of the meeting other than the colors of the wedding party (clover and cream) and our first, of many I’m sure, dates to try on dresses. Michele tried to get me to try on wedding dresses with her, but I told her that this is her wedding and not to worry about me.

We also talked about having a girls night (which I guess is a bachorlette party) the night before her wedding. Apparently, Michele and D are leaving on a cruise, from Baltimore to the Bahamas, the morning after their wedding, so the night before the wedding, Michele and her girls (me, her sister, and Michele’s daughter) will spend the night at the hotel (suite) and the following morning, have our hair done and get ready. Oh, and the wedding is going to take place in DC.

Michele also talked about sending save-the-dates next month as most of D’s family is out of state. I offered a few websites and helping make the STD’s (gave her my picnik log in information since I have a premium account), and talking about her STD’s get me thinking about the wedding announcements that I get to make once we’re married (and then I started to go off into a day dream of sorts).

Have I mentioned how excited I am to be a part of Michele’s wedding?

Speaking of weddings, Greg band finally arrived! We picked it up over the weekend. I, personally, think it needs to be re-sized as it feels a little too big on his finger… and the fact that it slid off during testing. He’s in denial. I told him that he needs to make up his mind about the size before it’s too late.

I’m trying to think of anything else mention…

Oh, I am finally a Pro Flickr’er again, and I uploaded the pictures from the Inappropriate Haf’la we went to on Saturday. I really wish I wrote down the names of the performers since I don’t remember a think about them, other than the songs they performed to. Either way, the party was great. The sangria was amazing (and there is still some in the fridge. And, it’s mighty strong) and we, Greg and I, had an amazing time. We stayed until 10pm.

The following morning we left for the Renn Fest and had a good time. Pictures from the Renn Fest can be found on Flickr as well. I would do a picture post, but I’m feeling a bit on the lazy side. That, and it’s 12:17am and I should go to bed.

And, on the note… Good night!

Updates

I’m disappointed to write that there was no 5am Battering Ram team. We don’t know what happen from when we talked to the cop around 1pm to when we came home around 5pm; evidentially something happened because our neighbor was no longer ‘in hiding’, or so it seemed.

As expected, the O’s lost yesterday. But, the game was enjoyable nonetheless. I really enjoy baseball as a sport; it’s exciting to watch and play. I don’t really follow the team members (other than Brandon Fahey, but I follow him because of his strong inner strength rather than his (in)ability to play short stop) or their stats. I enjoy going to a game and I honestly root for the O’s and what other team they’re playing; hey, if a good hit was made, a great double or triple play was done – I’m going to cheer for you regardless.

I did take some nice pictures of the game:

Buildings in Baltimore City

Detroit Tigers Bullpen

Picture of us enjoying the game

I usually don’t wear a baseball cap but it was very sunny and hot and I don’t own a pair of sunglasses, so I took one of Greg’s hats (the cleanest one). I used to wear this hat when I worked at Weis (when they made me wear a hat) and Greg says I somehow shrunk that hat – hmm… doubt that… I just think he doesn’t want to wear it anymore for other reasons. Either way, it’s a neat hat – UAF – University of Alaska Fairbanks. Greg spent a good chunk of his childhood in Alaska (Kodiak and Sitka) and then in Oregon before moving to MD for good (for now). Moving on…

View from our seats

The section we sat in was the “AYCE” seats. We had “free” supplies of drink and snacks. But, given how hot it was I had a very small appetite and mostly drink my $20 worth of lemonade and soda. But, I did enjoy a few (maybe 3) ice cream sandwiches.

And, Greg and I forgot to put on sunblock so we both got a decent sunburn (I was expecting worse). But, at the same time, we (or I) want to have some tanned skin for when we go to the Caribbean this winter (and we’ve actually talked about going to a tanning salon!!) Luckily, I can hold a tan for quite some time due to my quarter bit Native American Indian heritage (hence the reason Amelia was so dark when she was born and how she’s more tan than Greg!)

Speaking of Amelia, she’s having a grand time with my Mom and step-dad! She loves to play with Lucy (the horse) and run around the huge yard. Mom bought her a little swimming pool after hearing about how well she did at the birthday party from the other weekend. It’s so cute to talk to Amelia over the phone! She’ll tell Greg and me that she misses and “wuves” us (yes, she can’t say “L”s very well at this moment). It’s hearing her say “I wuve you too” that’s the sinker for Greg and me. Amelia just started saying I Love You about two weeks ago on her own. It’s so quiet without her and we miss her to bits, but at the same time we’re able to get so much done around the condo and have more freedom to do spontaneous things after work.

This past Saturday we spent the day at my Mom’s celebrating her 49th birthday. Sean and I bought a bushel of crabs for Mom:

and just hung around the house until 10:30pm. Greg walked around and took some amazing pictures again, and he got the chance to use the wide angle lens some more (which I am totally loving):

We also set off a few fireworks, but those pictures didn’t turn out so great.

While visiting, Greg and my step-dad were talking about camera and lenses and the sorts (Step-dad is also an avid photographer but more along the lines of semi-pro) and Greg was telling him something about a tripod and my step-dad offers one to Greg! Actually, he let Greg pick one of two that he could have (and my step-dad has many more). So, what does Greg do with his new tripod, he goes and takes a picture of the night sky and stars… and I’ll have to post one of those photos later because I am unable to network to Greg’s computer at the moment.

All in all it was a nice weekend. I wish I could say the same about today. Work was uber stressful and my level of patience has dropped dramatically this month, among other things (*ahem*blogging*ahem*). I just feel… done… with everything at the moment. As well as bored. I’m frustrated at work because I’m not allowed (yes, they are not allowing me) to complete the tasks that they keep assigning me. I actually have to get permission to work on other things! It’s ridiculous! And I’m one of those people that like to keep my inbox empty – which means I only leave items in there that I need to be completed and as of tonight, I have over 20 uncompleted tasks and it drives me crazy.

Also, today, I had my dental evaluation. I only made this appointment so I could get some antibiotics for my tooth; which, I might add, the office had no problems, whatsoever, prescribing me Lorazepam over the phone, but they had to see me, in person, to prescribe Amoxicillion. What’s wrong with this picture? Also, I’ve come to the conclusion the dentists practically GIVE out Lortab or Hydrocodone! They didn’t even ask if I was in pain today and prescribed me MORE pain meds (fortunately, I still have plenty from when I had my gall bladder removal – but even then I’ve only taken two pills since the tooth broke on July 6th). Good thing I’m not addicted to this stuff. Oh, and this extraction is going to set me back $310!!! And we’re going to have to dip into our savings to pay for it since we’re going to Ocean City the day after my extraction – which they told me wasn’t going to be an easy procedure (and probably worse than the last one) and that it was a good idea to suggest/accept the Lorazepam for sedation and anxiety – which, by the way, is the reason it’s going to cost me $310 (the sedation alone is $145). What a great way to start my mini-vacation.

Greg and I had a serious talk about the possibility of me being pregnant and how we feel about it. While the thought is exciting and we are embracing the possibility, we’re a little concerned about how we’re going to make it. Presently, we’re actually doing OK. We have a little bit of money in the savings account (not a lot, but some) and we’re current with all our bills; as well as been on time with all our bills (meaning no late charges and improving our credit). Basically, at this moment in our life everything is working out just right – not too much, not too little. Adding a baby is going to make things a little more challenging, financially. We’ve talked about cutting back our expenses (canceling cable, but keeping the Internet, eating out less, etc) and finding ways to bring in more income, such as me looking more into LiveOps and Greg selling his photos online (which we’re actually getting ready to set up; Greg just needs to pick out 5-10 of his best photos and edit them to his level of perfection). I used one of the online pregnancy calculators and it stated that if I am pregnant and conceived around the time of my last cycle (which, again, was just 2 days of spotting), that my estimated due date is April 10, 2009. That’s a little freaky. I really need to find a new doctor and get the answer.

Busy Bee

Work has been kicking my ass this week. Yesterday I stayed until 8pm! I was going to stay again tonight but I had one of the worst days in a while and was pretty much “fuck this! I’m not staying any longer than need be”

I believe that every women I spoke with today had PMS. And, I was on the verge of loosing it and screaming a those women and telling them to “Shut the fuck UP and let me finish my sentience!!” because NO ONE would let me finish what I was trying to say because they were too busy screaming at the top of their lungs (into the phone) and cursing me out. I have never, in my life, been called a bitch so many times as I have today (or in general for that matter). It was a bad day for me.

To add to that, I had to make an appointment with the dentist because the tooth that I broke earlier this month is starting to act up. I have never had problems with my teeth prior to getting pregnant, but I’ve learned that when a women is pregnant, the baby ‘takes’ all the calcium from the mother’s body and usually the teeth are the ones most effected. Sure seems to be true for me. Needless to say, I’m petrified of this visit given my last two experiences with the dentist; so much so that I’ve requested light sedation and the dentist prescribed something for me to take before the appointment… I can’t remember the name of the drug, but whatever.. I’ll take it.

Also, on the list today, I began my search for a Ob/Gyn because… I have even MORE reasons to be paranoid about being (possibly) pregnant. I know, I am such a procrastinator (and that’s all I’m going to admit to), but these new ‘symptoms’ are starting to push me. What are they? Well, for the last week and a half I’ve had severe nausea in the afternoon, usually within a half hour to an hour after eating lunch; for the past week and a half my boobs (both of them this time) have been sore and ‘feel’ different – like… fuller and they look fuller to me (Greg says he doesn’t see any difference); and the sinker is when I stand up quickly I get this sharp-ish pulling pain in my lower abdomen (more in the hip/pelvic area) and the last time I felt those was the Summer of 2006 (when I was preggers and didn’t know), and when I mentioned this to my old Ob/Gyn (because I made an appointment due to the sore boob for nearly a month – and it was time for my annual), he said it was probably due to a shift of my intestines (did loose nearly 40lbs in 5 months) brought on by my sudden movement. And, to me that made sense. Yeah… not believing it this time. So, it’s time for me to suck it up and find out once and for all.

I told Greg all of this earlier tonight (after we had sex… talk about a ‘just after’ mood killer) to gage his feelings about ‘what could be’, and … he’s cool with it (sorta). He did say that he was going to have a vasectomy once Baby #2 is born (so I don’t have to remain on birth control – and he knows how much I hate being on b/c). Then, he joked that he must have some mighty sperm or something – and I replied with something along the lines of “yeah.. and my body can resist the powers of b/c”… meh, at least he was light hearted about it. Which, I guess could be because one of his best friends, Tim and Brooke, are going to have a baby girl this fall and another co-worker of his (the one that invited us to their wedding in NY this past May) just found out she’s pregnant and due in February 2009 (she did the math and realized she got pregnant on her wedding night!); so maybe he’s getting the ‘baby bug’ or something (like he would ever admit to that… LOL).

My step-dad’s eBay sales are exceeding my expectations! He’s actually got nearly $2000 worth of bids on the items I listed for him! I still have one more to list, but I need to call him first… something I’ve been meaning to do for the last two nights.

The UPS Guy is leaving love notes again. I’ve been waiting for my Target order all week and tonight was the second night that s/he left ANOTHER stupid sticky note on the door – how anal are these people about the signature and name? Geez!

This weekend we are heading down to Mom’s and we’re going to leave Amelia with her since the babysitter is going to the Bahama’s until the 30th (babysitters daughter is in a dance competition or something). I have to finish packing Amelia clothes and toys and make sure I send all the little odds and ends down (baby Tylenol; enough diapers; de-tangler spray, etc). I’m already missing Amelia and she hasn’t left yet. These last few weeks have been … jaw dropping with Amelia’s rapid development; her verbal skills are better than those who are two or older, she’s actually begun counting objects (such as her fingers, Cheerios, etc)… it’s all so… freaky! I’m seriously blown away; yet I want more! It’s hard to explain, at least for me.

Greg and I are going to our first O’s game this Sunday. The O’s are having a “We Win, You Win 2” promotion, which is “…all fans in attendance at the 1:35 p.m. game on Sunday, July 20 against the Detroit Tigers will receive two complimentary tickets in the same seating category to any future non-prime game, if the Orioles win.” and we’re going to buy tickets in the “all you can eat” seats!

Next Wednesday night a group of us are meeting at a local restaurant for dinner and then we’re going to see the new Batman movie.

And, the last week of July we are going to Ocean City! Amelia’s first beach trip!!! I can’t wait. It’s been ages (ok, May 2005) since I swam in the Atlantic Ocean. This past Monday I bought a new bathing suit from Sears and I’ve pretty excited. Greg reserved a nice hotel room right on the Boardwalk!

We’ve got a pretty busy social calander for the remainder of the month, and I couldn’t be happier!!