It’s A …

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Uniquely positioned baby. 

According to the sonographer, the baby was deep into my back area and in the most non-gender revealing position possible. After a few attempts to persuade the baby to move in a direction of our favor, I ended up getting off the bed and did a little dance and asked Amelia to ‘jiggle my belly’ for a little good luck. 

It worked and for a brief, very brief, moment we got to see the goods. 

I’m a little shocked of the results (of which the sonographer felt 100% on). 

And, I’m going to keep it a secret for now. Only select family members and 2 friends know the gender at the moment.

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Goal for 2012: Make Mimi a Big Sister

Yep.

That is my goal.

Amelia doesn’t know about this goal and I won’t tell her until I’ve achieved this goal; however, Greg and I, mostly I, have agreed to no longer ‘let nature take its course’ and attempt to get pregnant with a little medical assistance this year.

I had an appointment with my OB this afternoon and Greg attended the appointment with me (and was actually in the exam room the whole time – I’m so proud of him!). The doctor explained our options and how everything would work; she’s given us orders to have a few things examined – I get an ultrasound to check out my fallopian tubes and Greg gets a seaman analysis! Also, I’ve officially begun taking pre-natal vitamins!

I’ve told Greg that I don’t want to go through extreme infertility treatment, meaning I don’t want to go through IVF and such, and that if we don’t get pregnant this year then Amelia is going to be a single child. Greg and I aren’t getting any younger and I don’t want to be in my late 30’s having a second child. So, I’ve decided this is going to be the year and it’s all or nothing (within reason).

So, the plan of action is once our ‘tests’ have come back and we can rule out any ‘issues’, I’m going to take the medication called Clomid for 3-6 cycles. I had blood drawn last week, on the 3rd day of my cycle as requested, to check my hormone levels and the results were “textbook perfect”, so it’s a relief to know that that part of my reproductive system is working (at least for the last cycle).

How is Greg handling all this? Rather well. Of course, his main concern is money – in that we can afford to take care of another child (daycare and the such), but I explained that it’ll all work out. I don’t know how, or when, or even why, but it will. Besides, it’s not like the last time when we only had 5-6 weeks to prepare ourselves with the thought of becoming parents – we’ll have the whole nine months! Oh, and his second biggest worry is that I’ll get pregnant with twins or triplets!

The more I think about this adventure in expanding our family the more excited I become. Not just because we’re going to try to add a new baby and Amelia will finally get what she’s been wanting since she was two, but that we’ll have the whole nine months to do this together and that Greg will be there at the time of delivery. I feel bad that Greg missed Amelia’s birth and that this life changing event is something he should be a part of. I asked Greg earlier this evening if, when and if I become pregnant, he’d want to know the sex of the baby because a part of me doesn’t want to know. Greg wants to know.

So, there it is – I’ve put it in writing that Greg and I are seeking fertility assistance in attempts to get pregnant with our second child.

Paranoid

Does anyone out there believe, that in your dreams, your subconscious, your body/mind is telling you something?

I’m slightly freakin out over here.

At least two nights a week (7 day week) I have a pregnancy dream.

And, I’ve started to feel random, almost daily, twitches/spasms in the lower abdomen area.

Have I taken a pregnancy test?

Yes.

And?

Negative.

But, I don’t trust the pee-sticks.

Why?

Because they lied to me the last time I thought I was pregnant. Many times.

Other symptoms?

Some. Such as a sore boob (yes, boob – not boobs), just like the last time I thought I was pregnant – and it was the same boob! But, I blew that off as pre-menstrual happenings, and after a few days the soreness went a way (but, still at least a week before my cycle started).

I know what I need to do to clear my paranoia – order the blood test.

You know what? Something must be fucked up with my endocrine system when I don’t know, for a fact, when, and if, I am pregnant! My Mom was telling me she knew immediately when we were conceived. Everyone else I’ve ever talked to knew they were pregnant within weeks of conception. Me? Took about 30 weeks to learn – after a physical exam by a OB (I was probably about 4 weeks at the time of the exam, but he told me that he could “feel” as early as 2 weeks along), and 3-4 OTC pregnancy tests within a five month time span. Fucked up, right?

Needless to say, after my last experience with pregnancy, I am a bit paranoid.

Have I talked to Greg about this?

A little. He knew of the boob pain. He knows of the pregnancy dreams. But, he feels ‘safe’ because I had my cycle right on time (not even a day late or anything). And, from what I was taught (and I use that word lightly), you can’t have a cycle if you’re pregnant. Except, I don’t know if there is an exception for those on birth control (which causes another paranoia – what if I am pregnant, am I harming the baby because I’m still taking the BC?).
 
I know. I know.
 
I need to make an appointment and face my…
 
Except, I’m scared. Ignorance is bliss, but not if your subconscious is telling you something you can’t… err shouldn’t ignore. I’m scared to learn the truth; unless the truth is in my favor. If not, we’ll adjust. Plans will have to be changed, life will be a little more hectic and chaotic, but that’s life. “When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.” I’ve been thrown a lot of lemons these last 4 years, but I’ve also made a lot of deliciouslemonade. Look where I am now; I never thought that I would wed, separate, have a baby, get engaged, get divorced, and re-marry in a span of less than 5 years! Plus, all before I turn 30 years old; how about them ‘lemons’?
 
Either way, I’ve got to “pony up” and “just do it”.
 
Ha!
 
 
 

Paranoid

Does anyone out there believe, that in your dreams, your subconscious, your body/mind is telling you something?

I’m slightly freakin out over here.

At least two nights a week (7 day week) I have a pregnancy dream.

And, I’ve started to feel random, almost daily, twitches/spasms in the lower abdomen area.

Have I taken a pregnancy test?

Yes.

And?

Negative.

But, I don’t trust the pee-sticks.

Why?

Because they lied to me the last time I thought I was pregnant. Many times.

Other symptoms?

Some. Such as a sore boob (yes, boob – not boobs), just like the last time I thought I was pregnant – and it was the same boob! But, I blew that off as pre-menstrual happenings, and after a few days the soreness went a way (but, still at least a week before my cycle started).

I know what I need to do to clear my paranoia – order the blood test.

You know what? Something must be fucked up with my endocrine system when I don’t know, for a fact, when, and if, I am pregnant! My Mom was telling me she knew immediately when we were conceived. Everyone else I’ve ever talked to knew they were pregnant within weeks of conception. Me? Took about 30 weeks to learn – after a physical exam by a OB (I was probably about 4 weeks at the time of the exam, but he told me that he could “feel” as early as 2 weeks along), and 3-4 OTC pregnancy tests within a five month time span. Fucked up, right?

Needless to say, after my last experience with pregnancy, I am a bit paranoid.

Have I talked to Greg about this?

A little. He knew of the boob pain. He knows of the pregnancy dreams. But, he feels ‘safe’ because I had my cycle right on time (not even a day late or anything). And, from what I was taught (and I use that word lightly), you can’t have a cycle if you’re pregnant. Except, I don’t know if there is an exception for those on birth control (which causes another paranoia – what if I am pregnant, am I harming the baby because I’m still taking the BC?).
 
I know. I know.
 
I need to make an appointment and face my…
 
Except, I’m scared. Ignorance is bliss, but not if your subconscious is telling you something you can’t… err shouldn’t ignore. I’m scared to learn the truth; unless the truth is in my favor. If not, we’ll adjust. Plans will have to be changed, life will be a little more hectic and chaotic, but that’s life. “When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.” I’ve been thrown a lot of lemons these last 4 years, but I’ve also made a lot of deliciouslemonade. Look where I am now; I never thought that I would wed, separate, have a baby, get engaged, get divorced, and re-marry in a span of less than 5 years! Plus, all before I turn 30 years old; how about them ‘lemons’?
 
Either way, I’ve got to “pony up” and “just do it”.
 
Ha!
 
 
 

No Title

Daddy's Big (little) Girl

Amelia is home!

Gosh, doesn’t she look so much older? I swear she’s grown another inch or more in the last week!

We picked up Amelia this afternoon and met at our ‘usual’ spot for lunch. Amelia is always the center of attention when we’re out and about. Can I blame her? Look at that beautiful smile of hers!

So, how was everyone’s weekend?

Saturday I washed every article of clothing we own and cleaned the house (except for the bathrooms, I left those for Greg). My brother came over because he was having an asthma attack and needed my inhaler (which I gave him since I have a back-up). I told Sean to make an appointment with a physician so he can receive some treatment, but being the male that he is, he’s stubborn and says “yeah yeah…” Sean hung out for a good bit and we caught up on family things (no gossip, just plans) and he tried to get me to go to the Columbia ‘Wine in the Woods’ event, to which I declined (I’m not a huge wine drinker and still having to pay $20 to get in as a DD seemed like a waste).

Greg was home by 4-ish and I tended to him and his sunburn (see the redness on his face?). I soaked him in aloe vera gel.

We leave for Michigan in 4 days! Earlier tonight we were looking at our flight information and the morning flight is BOOKED! We’re going to have a stranger sitting next to us on the flight in… I just hope the person has a lot of patience.

I was reading Brooke’s blog and I’m so relieved that their baby is doing well. When I went to update Greg (and to tell him that they’re having a girl; because everyone’s first baby has been a girl at his office; this is the 4th baby) about what Brooke wrote, I told him that I want to have another baby. I’m ready. But, together, we’re not ready; we have a few goals to accomplish before we have Baby #2, and the first is to own a house. But, we did agree (and I have this is writing in case he denies this later) that when Amelia is about three and a half years old, we will stop with the birth control and let nature take its course.

Time to hit the hay and start a new week!

Wow

I was finally able to get the pictures and videos of Amelia’s birth off the cell phone… 

I didn’t write this before, but last week when I was looking at the pictures and watching the video’s over and over again – i felt so emotional. I was on the verge of tears by just looking at everything. And when I had the pictures and video on the laptop and viewed them I became emotional again.

I still can’t believe Amelia went from this: 

3 minutes old

to this:

One year, 2 weeks, and 4 days old.

and only a year has gone by.

Here are the video’s from my brothers cellphone (all the pictures were taken with his cell too):

**WARNING** The first video is of her birth – you don’t see any of my ‘stuff’ but there’s blood (only a little) and my jelly belly.

I remember my Mom telling me how beautiful the umbilical cord was. It’s something odd to remember but that’s one of things from my experience that sticks out.

I really can’t describe the feeling I have while watching these videos over and over. There really are no words to write out; and I don’t want to say “only a person who has given (or witnessed) birth knows the feeling” because, even though that’s probably true, it sounds unfair to me. 

Seeing everything all over again reminds me to finish off my Year 2007 synopsis for the blog…

Sleeping Beauties

Amelia has finally fallen asleep (well, as of 12:21pm). I awoke Greg from his nap (he didn’t get a good nights sleep, or so he says) and he and I chatted about what to do for the day.

We’re going to Target, Best Buy, Lane Bryant (and they’re all in the same plaza – yippee) and Staples. We’re getting, baby food, diapers, house hold items (such as some new pillows for the bedroom, towels, etc), a camera bag for my wonderful birthday/anniversary present, and some new bras and clothes for me and at Staples we’re going to look for a computer desk for Greg’s desktop (another reason why I favor a laptop over a desktop – don’t need a desk).

Another item we discussed was our money. When I did a preliminary tax filing last night, I learned that I can expect about a $5K refund (!!!). Greg doesn’t seem to believe it and wants to wait until I get all my tax information and possibly go to an actual account person to do our taxes (as this is something we don’t want to incorrectly) and with the loan Greg received (check has cleared the account – money is available for spending) and the employee referral bonus I am getting in April (which is $5K) that we could have our wedding this year! But, we still decided not to do so. We have a lot of other things we could use this money for that will go a lot farther and have a better result in the end. But, I did open our savings account this morning.

Last night I took that picture of Amelia when I went to check on her.  It tickles Greg and me to no end when we find her sleeping like this! And as soon as I put the blanket back on her, she ‘went flat’ and fussed. We’ve learned that Amelia sleeps like Greg and me; all over the place and constantly kicking the blankets off.

Speaking of sleep, it’s 2:00 and she’s still napping. Debating if I should wake her… probably not as she was up at 6:15am!

Anyway, on with the day!