I’m not going to write a sappy, lovey-dovey, letter via blog … just not my style.
However, I really can’t believe Amelia is 2 years old today. I can recall minute by minute details of all the events that occurred two years ago … vividly. I remember where I was when my water broke at 6pm on Jan 11 2007 and where my Mom and I would have been had we actually done what we were thinking about (getting out of the house and going to Texas Roadhouse for dinner – my water would have broken at the restaurant); I remember how I was more scared to tell Greg that my water had broken and we were heading to the hospital than what was actually happening (kinda funny now, huh); I remember thinking how weird the contractions were every 5 minutes – on the dot – as we were driving to the hospital. I remember how painful it was when the doctors/nurses ‘checked me’ when I arrived – to which I was 2.5 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced and how after 2 hours of contractions I wasn’t progressing fast enough and they wanted to give me pitocin – to which I replied that must have an epidural if they’re going to go that route. And, as big as my fear of needles is (and it’s HUGE), I actually went through the whole epidural process without freaking out (which amazed my Mom); I remember how sick I was the 11 days leading up her birth – I was going through a pretty strong bout of pneumonia and was already in the hospital for 4 days prior (Jan 1-5) and was worried that I wouldn’t have the strength or energy to actually go through the physical part of labor (the pushing); I remember the delivery doctor, at just after 7am, saying that I can not go into active labor right now because she has a scheduled hysterectomy at 8am; I remember thinking … hoping that her time of delivery would be an airplane number, like 727, 737, 747, 757 in hopes that Greg might warm up to the idea of being a parent (little did I know he was already excited – since the moment I told him my water broke). I remember all the phone calls from Greg that I didn’t answer and how, around 10am, and after numerous text messages from Greg (he was getting really worried by this point) and the persistence of my Mom, I finally told Greg that she was here and he was so happy and proud to be a Daddy (which took a lot of getting used to from me) and that he couldn’t wait to come see us. I remember the doctors putting “possible adoption” on her paper work (which I still have) and offering to take Amelia to the NICU if I did decide to place her up for adoption. I remember, holding her for the first time – alone – and thinking and wondering if I could do this, raise a baby, possibly by myself (I still wasn’t sure where Greg and I stood with each other), if I would be able to provide everything she’ll ever need and… what was the next step. I remember feeling so … excited and elated… when Greg arrived at the hospital and seeing his reaction when he saw Amelia for the first time and how, after all her hospital papers and photos were done, he didn’t want to put her down and he didn’t want to leave us. I remember leaving the hospital TV on during the entire time (and on the Food Network or Comedy Central) in hopes that she would get used to noises and talking (it seems to have worked – she could sleep through anything). I remember trying to breastfeed and how… non-user-friendly it was (that time around, hoping the second time will be easier).
I don’t understand why it’s difficult for me to accept that Amelia is now 2 years old. Maybe it’s because so much has happened in these past two years that I feel I am still adjusting to it all (shit, I’m still adjusting to the fact that Greg and I are actually getting married NEXT WEEK!) – if only I could share the emails that Greg and I have exchanged during our … obstacles… maybe that would provide some understanding, but there’s really no point – what we said and what we do are two completely different things – i should focus on what we’re doing – which is being a family; and a very happy and healthy family.
So, here we are two years later…
Sadly, I didn’t get a picture of Amelia today, the day of her birth; Again, I forgot my camera. But, we did go out and celebrate – we went out to dinner and Amelia enjoyed her birthday hotdog.