2016 Already?

Geez, time is flying by too fast. This year marks 20 years since Greg graduated from high school! 20 freaking years! I don’t feel old enough to say 20 years has passed for any milestone.

Yet, 9 years ago tonight I was in labor. My water broke at 6pm and my Mom drove me to the hospital. When I was checked, and confirmed my water did indeed break, I was already 2cm dilated. Within 13 hours I was going to meet my baby girl.

Amelia is turning 9 years old. And, every year (just about) I write how I can’t believe how old she’s turning. And, every year it’s true. I don’t feel old enough to have a nearly 10 year old kid. In my heart (and mind), I’m still 27. And, it seems I’ll forever feel that way (all the while thinking it’s only 1997). 27 was a big age. I had a kid. I got the man of my dreams. Moved three times with a baby. Bought my first financed car. A lot of big things happened when I was 27.

When Greg and I were engaged and planning our wedding, I befriend a lot of other ladies doing the same. Recently, I noticed that a lot of those friends have divorced. It made me look at my relationship with Greg and how ours differs from others; even my first marriage. And, I am thankful that Greg and I have each other and that we can be who we are without judgement. Granted, our marriage hasn’t been easy and we’ve had a lot of challenges – many that I knew about before we became parents and then husband and wife – but, the one constant that has been in our relationship is support and love. Greg supports me and the events going on in my life; whether they’re positive or negative. And, while sometimes I may not agree with how Greg is handling something, I support him. I also tell him what I think could be improved upon, and he’ll listen, but it’s the open communication we have that allows us to support each other.

2016 is going to have a lot of changes. Not sure on all of the changes, but things have already been set into motion. First, I’ve been taking an anti-depressant for about a month and I finally feel better (somewhat). I definitely don’t feel as ‘broken’ as I did before, and I am able to handle stressful moments a lot better. There’s still some work in progress, as a family, to be more balanced. But, that’s all to come as well. I’ve made an appointment for Amelia to see a child psychologist for some things. Amelia can be a bit much, and it’s more than just ‘normal’ stuff. I mentioned this to the psychologist and he suggested she come in and I agreed. I told Greg and he agreed as well. We’ve talked, off an on, about seeing a family therapist, but wasn’t sure how that would work with two difference insurances. I’m glad, though, that we finally have something scheduled. And, I suggested, to Greg, that it couldn’t hurt if we met as a couple with a psychiatrist. The doc felt so, as well, since Greg is on an anti-depressant, too.

Secondly, I have my weight loss surgery scheduled in March. It’s tentative, at the moment, since my ‘case’ hasn’t been submitted to the insurance company just yet. But, the doc’s office doesn’t see any reason why there wouldn’t been a rejection. I’m excited and a bit freaked out about this surgery. The exciting part is the changes that will occur; I’ll loose weight, finally, and keep it off. The ‘freaked out’ part is that I am permanently altering my stomach; there’s no going back once this is done. My Mom is excited that I’m made this decision. Greg, while supportive of my choice, was initially against it for himself. However, the idea has warmed up to him (which, I believe is in part to his anti-depressants), and depending on how it goes with me, he’s even willing to consider it for himself. In the meantime, Greg has been going to the gym three days a week and has changed his eating habits, including a drastic reduction in soda consumption. Granted, Greg and I drink diet soda only, soda was our ‘addition’. Since Greg has been on his anti-depressants, his soda consumption has decreased; he just doesn’t desire it anymore. The same is starting to affect me. I used to drink about 4-5 cans of soda a day (along with about 50-60 ounces of water), now I may have 1-2 cans of soda. I just don’t desire them like I used to.

Third, the office is moving. This won’t occur until the end of the year, but it’s still a big change. Additionally, we’re moving into a brand new building in downtown Baltimore (it’s still under construction)! I see this move as an opportunity for networking, and hopefully, advancement. The new environment will require me to dress professionally, which I am somewhat excited about since I’ll have a new body to dress.

It’s getting late. I’ll finish up another time.

 

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And then there were…

6 Days until we fly.

This time next week we will be somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, making our way to the Caribbean Sea heading towards the Grand Cayman Island. I have no idea how giddy with excitement Greg and I (but, probably more Greg than me) will be by this point next week. Gah! I can’t believe I’ll be on a cruise ship NEXT SUNDAY!

And, it still hasn’t sunk in – my level of excitement is no where near where I feel it should be! Actually, I believe I am starting to feel a little bummed that the trip is here; I’ve been looking forward to this cruise since last February, and I won’t have anything to look forward to (vacation wise) once the cruise is said and done. Well, we are thinking of a few things but we can’t really focus on those things until March. But, still.

In other news, Greg and I will probably be attending 3-4 weddings for 2009; this past new years two co-workers (one at his office, and one at mine) got engaged  and are planning for a wedding in the fall.

Michele moved up her wedding to March 28 (from October 10); Greg is a little freaked because he’s their photographer and he doesn’t feel he will be ready (at least equipment wise) by then. I assured him that he will do fine.

This past Saturday was my wedding shower, and belive it or not Greg and I forgot our cameras! So, my cousin took at the pictures and I’m waiting for her to email them, or post them on her MySpace page – then I will share with the world.

Today we spent a few hours with Greg’s Mom. We also celebrated Amelia’s 2nd birthday with her and Greg’s brother, Ken.  It’s nice to feel comfortable around the in-laws; I didn’t feel so comfortable around my ex’s due to my ex’s father – i just hated the guy and didn’t want to within earshot of him… but, Greg’s family is nothing like my ex’s and it’s so nice and refreshing. Even Greg’s brother, Ken, has warmed up to me – giving hugs and chatting with me and Amelia! Greg’s other brother, Pat, warmed up to me at the very beginning –  we even text each other on the occasion … and it’s fun to make fun of Greg (and some of his stupid decisions from his past – like leaving his favorite job to move to NY state for a girl) – in the loving manor that we do.

So, this is the final week of ‘normal’ life before I leave for ‘vacation’ life.  Greg and I have sorta started to get our home ready – we took down the Christmas tree and other decorations! I expressed my desire to have the place clean before we leave so that when we return we won’t have anything to do other than laundry and grocery shopping (as well as copious amounts of sleep – as I am sure we’ll need it).

During the long drive home last night (from my Cousins house), I asked Greg if he was really, truly, ready to be a married man.  Of course he said yes, and I asked him how does he know. And, he said the most beautiful things to me that I actually started to tear up! Basically, he broke down his past 2 ‘serious’ relationships and why he ignored the red flags and he told me that, if he could create the ‘perfect, dream girl’ he can’t think of anything else that I already posses as a person (physical looks don’t count when you’re thinking of the ‘perfect person’). To Greg, I am his dream girl. Awesome! So, we talked a little more about being married (I was so tired and I need him to talk to me to keep my eyes open) and he says that he doesn’t feel anything will change, to him, once we’re married because, to him, we’re already married. I begged to differ and explained why (which lead to the next topic of how does he know he’s ready to be married) – Greg and/or I could walk away and leave the relationship and there wouldn’t be any ‘mess’ to clean up (read: divorce) – there’s no real commitment (a ultimate, higher level, commitment) to each other like there is to being married; to me, when we’re married it means that Greg (and I) are going to be together in every sense of the word.  To me, at least, there will be a different feeling once Greg becomes my husband and I become his wife – Greg is promising to spend the rest of his life with me (and I him). Greg has chosen me as the one that makes him the happiest and that he wants me continue to make him happy for the rest of his life. That means a lot to me. Of course, it helps to know that during our whole friendship/court-ship, as Greg and I were denying our feelings for each other; telling each other that we were not interested in a relationship, much less marriage… that we’re actually going to marry each other! I’ve said it before, and I’m going to say it again – Greg has fulfilled every dream I’ve ever had since meeting him. Something I’ve never, ever, experienced – during my nearly 30 years of life – before. Guess that Magic 8 ball really is magic! LOL

Oh look, it’s 11:30pm and I have to work this week (4 out of 5 days). Guess I should get to bed, huh?

Exhausted and Excited

I am so exhausted, yet so excited!!!

We’ve decided we’re going to elope – 100%! I can not wait!! We now have less than a year (say, 6-10 months) until we marry each other. I now get to do some ‘planning’ (though, there really isn’t much planning for this eloping) and shopping. I can’t wait to start looking for a nice dress (not a wedding dress, but something nice) and our wedding bands! I’m waiting until I hear back from the company that we’re using before I get too excited, but nonetheless I am so freaking excited. Really, I am.

All last night, while at Buffalo Wild Wings, I just wanted to tell everyone that we’ve decided to elope but I couldn’t. Greg doesn’t want to tell anyone (I’ve already told my Mom and Lisa), otherwise we’re not really eloping in terms of the sense. I don’t care, I just want to shout it out and let everyone know!

Anyway… Greg’s 30th Birthday Gathering…

Awesome! We all had so much fun last night at Buffalo Wild Wings. The food was out of this world. The birthday cake was fan-fucking-tastic(that is going to be a popular phrase for me)! And, we still have a lot of cake left; it was so worth the $78!

Here are pictures from last night:

 The Gathering Place

Munch Munch

 Loving Parents-to-be

After we all ate, it was time for the traditional “Birthday Guest of Honor” shot:

Yager Bomb - Greg

Greg chugged the Yager Bomb – I was impressed!

Then, it was time for cake!!!!

Birthday Boy cutting his Birthday cake

So much cake!

There was still a whole hella of a lot of cake after giving out HUGE slices!! We also gave away HUGE slices when everyone left and there’s still MORE CAKE in the fridge! The cake was amazing; so moist and flavorful. I believe we’re going to have Sugar Bakers do our wedding cake (for our reception sometime after we elope); I’m not a big cake person, but this was “da bomb”!!

The waitress offered to take our picture, after we all sung ‘Happy Birthday’ to Greg AND had his name announced over the intercom. We’re classy like that.

The Gang

We were home by 10. Lisa had no problems with Amelia, other than Amelia not wanting to go to bed. Once we were settled in, a small storm rolled through, so I laid in bed watching the lightening and eventually fell asleep.

Amelia was up at 6:30am and was not going back to sleep. We were up and out of bed by 7am. It’s been a long day. All I wanted to do was sleep in. Amelia is napping as I type, and I should be too, but I wanted to get the pictures up and such. Also, I am doing some research about our eloping trip (Squee – so excited).

Today has been productive, so far. We were out of the house by 9:30 and had a nice big brunch – I am so happy Amelia has her appitete back; I think she’s already gained about 2 pounds since her check-up! After brunch we headed to the grocery store and stocked up on fruits and veggies and other small items for dinner and lunch for the next week. We were only $2.03 over our target amount, and that includes a $1 donation to the Children’s Cancer Fund.

Be on the look out for an email from me, Dear Regular Readers, I am going to update you on the password protected posts…

Until then…

Mind Musings

I have so many thoughts going through my mind!

  • I’m thinking about my upcoming divorce hearing and saying good bye to Adam (mentally);
  • The odd dream I had last night about Greg’s ex;
  • Wedding stuff, mainly finding our site for the ceremony and reception;
  • The slow realization that Greg is going to be my future husband;
  • Van’s offer to pay for my tuition so I can finish my medical assisting/nursing certification/degree;
  • And much more…

Mainly, I am thinking about my wedding and divorce with little bits of the dream I had last night; which I’ll start off with first…

Last night, I dreamt that Greg and I were living with his ex temporarily. It was very awkward for me in the dream, even though we (Greg’s ex and I) were rarely home at the same time. Then, at some point in the dream, the exes sister spies on me and tells the ex what I’ve been doing (supposedly) and then the ex leaves all these notes around the house for me (and they weren’t very positive notes). The same day I discovered the notes around the house, she comes home while I am there and I confront her about the stuff she’s writing to me. And, somehow, after talking about everything we become friends. And, I recall thinking in the dream how odd it felt realizing that we’ve basically ‘made up’ and were actually talking as friends. Very strange dream, no?

My second thought is about saying good bye, permanently, to Adam.  Honestly, I am not that upset about saying good bye as I have no emotional attachment to him what-so-ever; but I thought I would be able to send an email every once in a blue moon to say ‘Hi’ and see what he’s up to (just as I’ve done since 2005 when he moved out). But, I confronted him (via email as that’s the only means of communication I have to him) about the impression I had that he doesn’t want to be hearing from me for non divorce related stuff. You see, I’ve always remained friends with all my exes, even if I started a new relationship or if they started a new relationship; it just wasn’t odd to me. But, Adam is different; he’s a very private person and even though I’m not asking him private questions, I got the feeling that he doesn’t want to be hearing from me after the divorce. Which, as I’ve mentioned, is fine. After all, we need to close certain chapters from our past and move on to start the new chapters. I don’t think I’ll ‘miss’ him in any sense. I guess, in a sense, I received closure from him when he, more or less, confirmed what I thought. So, that is that.

Now, onto the wedding stuff! Last night I bought my first wedding magazine!! I bought the winter edition of The Knot, the magazine version of the website for things in the DC, VA, MD area. And, today, I read that magazine from cover to cover! I highlighted things of interest and worth looking into and checked out a few vendors and potential wedding/ceremony websites.

Even though, as of today, I have 653 days until my wedding, I want to pick out my location; and it’s slightly difficult because I don’t know how many guests we’re going to invite vs. attend. Greg thinks we’ll easily have 150 attendees; I think he’s wrong. Plus, if we have a wedding with that many guests, it’s really going to be financially stressful for us (I, without mentioning anything to my family – as in asking, am not expecting help from our families for our wedding, especially since I’m a repeat bride (sorta)). I am expecting something smaller, like around 75 guests. The second topic of discussion is where to host our wedding and reception. Greg said he wants to do something exotic and feels that if we hold our wedding and reception at a park, that it’s too traditional. Greg and I view the word ‘traditional’ in terms of a wedding completely different; to me, a traditional wedding is a wedding that is held in a church and the reception in a banquet hall. So far, Greg and I have added Ripkin Stadiumas a possible ceremony/reception site. My Mom, on the other hand, would like us to have our wedding reception (as least) at her house. Granted, there are 20 acres to fit everyone, and there is a small beach where we could have the bon fire, but I feel it would be too much of a drive for everyone, and that there are no hotels near by for the guests (since EVERYONE would need a hotel room); if Mom lived closer, then I would seriously consider it (after all, my other wedding reception was held at home in Churchton). I believe the planning would be easier on me if I knew how much money I had to work with. But, I want to know how much everything is going to cost before I set my budget… it feels like I’m in a ‘catch 22’ regarding this part of the planning. Eh, as Greg says, we have plenty of time. Oh, and another item we dicussed was our “save the date” notices – we’re going to send them out this summer. We’re thinking magnets so everyone can put it on the fridge and, hopefully, not forget.

So, not too much going on.

Although, I really should be planning Amelia’s First Birthday Party, as I only have 2 weeks (eek!!). Guess Greg and I will work on that this weekend…